Tuesday, August 02, 2011

No, Med school hasn't killed me yet - but man it tried to.

Oh, right, I have a blog. :) So, exams kicked in and life kicked out. Between not being able to workout and run, and getting stuck at home studying like there was no tomorrow I kind of crashed at the third consecutive test. I didn't show up. Lame, I know, specially 'cause I studied the hardest for this one, spent tons of sleepless night on the microscope but, at the exact day, the alarm went on and I couldn't move. As I laid down there, staring at the ceiling, I started wondering why do I have to put myself through all this anyway. Do I really want to become a doctor this bad? This sort of thought crossed my mind over and over again, many and many times throughout all the time I've been away. At that very day, I've reached rock bottom big time. I had all those doubts in my head and I didn't know what to do, I couldn't run (which was basically what put me into med school in the first place), I would start crying out of nowhere several times a day, just imaging that I would have to study - again. 

I still had one more test, but I decided to chill a little (actually, my mom came to visit, so she obligated me to chill). It was the perfect time for a visit. She left 2 days before my test, I had recharged batteries and was able to pull it off somehow. It was the last test of the semester. A friend from Brazil would come the day after the test, so it was perfect. I had 2 other dates to take the test I've missed, so I've decided to get my s* together. I really thought I would never leave the whole I've put myself into, I could just think how far from graduating I was, how many more hell-weeks I would have before actually living again and such. I know it sounds like I'm the biggest spoiled girl in the world, but you'll never know what first year of med school is if you haven't lived it. I've spent 5 straight days without seen sunlight or even getting close to the out door. 

So, my friend came over, we had the best time and, after she left, I thought I could use a change. My knee was all better, I decided to take the risk. Went back to the gym and to running. It's been a week of heaven so far. And the most amazing thing happened. I was with the group last Saturday and one of the girls was complaining about a pain right behind her knee, saying it was probably muscle-fatigue. I told her that couldn't be it since we don't have muscles there. I took the itouch to show her some pictures from the Gray's Anatomy atlas and I started explaining to her all sort of things that it couldn't be and why. For a moment, it all came back to me. Why I wanted to become a doctor. That was it. That little moment was a piece of my distant future. I could see myself doing that for the rest of my life. How she was so interested, how she would listen to me, ask what should she do, should she run, was it serious... to see how the other rely entirely on your medical opinion and how they trust you so bad is something that, somehow, makes it all worth it. I know I have a long long way to go, but now I have clear in my head exactly where it's taking me. I have something to believe in. :)

Sorry to bore you all with my med delusions, but I needed to put it out there so, when school tried to kick my ass again, I can go back and read how blessed I am for having the chance to do what I do. 
And of course I'll put up some (really only some of them, I might have way too many) pictures of the awesome weeks I had this winter. 

...having my mom and my stepfather over, so I could eat something other than steamed veggies with tuna :) 

... drinking wine and getting way too full...

... seeing whale's bones at the zoo :) 

... horse riding with the gauchos heh.


http://geocaching.com/ in case you got curious ]. 

Hey guys, tell me only one thing... what was the most rock-bottom moment of your life? 
I know it's kind of personal, but oh well, we're kind of in a virtual world and it's not like I'm gonna go hunt you with your stories heh.


  1. Awwww, you're back! Sounds like you've had your share of ups and downs lately, but it's so good to hear that you remembered why you wanted to be a doctor in the first place! I imagine you'll have more of those moments as you go, but they'll get easier because you'll know exactly how to cope.

    There's a restaurant near me that makes a mojito-type drink like you mentioned, and they call it "The Brazillian"... fresh kiwi, lime, mint, rum and soda water. It's the best drink I've ever had in my ENTIRE LIFE!!

  2. Thank you, Laura! Yeah, it was HELL and I never want to have that feeling ever again!!! I've learned my lesson, I have to put my sanity FIRST, so I can have a shot of getting the rest done :)

    No wayyyyyyyyyyyyy! How weird is that I told you about that and it's called The Brazilian? lol LOVE IT! I didn't even know it was that common in Brazil, I mean me and my friends used to make that there, but I thought it was our creation lol shame...


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