Monday, May 24, 2010

Shrink.



My head has a life of its own. I was inside the bus today daydreaming when I saw a street that look exactly like one that ends up in the Central Park. I've actually jumped out of my seat and got off the bus. And then I stood there, staring at this fake piece of reality; and it took me 5 minutes to realize where I was and what had just happened. Pouring tears.

Ok, this might be way too stupid.



So, it's almost 3:30am. I had actually turned off the computer and was laying down in bed for like about 30min now. And I had already turned the computer off, but I had to come back to write this down 'cause I would definitely forget about it in a few minutes.
I'm impressed by my ability of making up things on my head. I mean, I actually make up this whole drama with someone. And I had discussions with the person. And I solve them. And we make up. And we get closer. And, despite the fact that it's all INSIDE my head, I actually act with the person, later on, like all that was actually true and that the person actually knows like a little bit more of me, you know? Like we have now a deeper connection. And the stupid thing is that the other person has no freaking idea (obviously!) of what's going on in my head and, of course, their treatment towards me will just be the same. And then, again, I get frustrated and disappointed 'cause I feel more connected to someone that the other way around. And it's been like that for as long as I can remember. Then, again, I'll lay down in bed with all the sadness in the world and start making up, again, a way out of it. Then solve it. Then get closer to someone.
I mean, this is worse then Wonderland. It's i.m.m.a.t.u.r.i.t.y. Wake up, Alice. You are not 5. Ken and Barbie are like long gone. And I assure you they ain't happily ever after. Just saying.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Do people nowadays melt on the rain?



It's Sunday night. It's raining. I mean, not pouring raining, just a little tiny rain. And, yet, nobody wants to go out. It's really frustrating. I remember those times where no test, no rain, no sickness would be an excuse to NOT go out. Are people getting older? And, if that's the case, what the hell am I getting? Younger? More immature? Doesn't make sense to me.

Well, that wasn't the reason I wanted to write here about. The fact is that I've got myself reading something and crying more than I could even take. On the top of that, what I was reading wasn't even mine. It wasn't even for me. It was from a friend of mine to another one she got into a fight with. It's like... a love letter. Really. I need to quote at least this one part: 

"I like you so much that you're the only one that can make me cry out of happiness. I can't live without you and now I feel so much pain for thinking that I could be without you that I can't stop crying. You are the only person that makes me cry that it's not for being angry. 
I need you so much, so much that do the things I like the most don't bring me as much happiness as to get a "good morning" from you. I like you so much that no poem can translate this feeling, no song, no picture. 
This feeling is so strong that I can't transpose it to words; I don't even understand it quite right, I just know that I like you unconditionally."

I mean, REALLY? And this was like 1/20th of the email. It was a totally declaration of pure friendship. And I think the reason I cried so much it was probably out of jealousy. I don't remember of ever getting a email like this from a friend. But I remember quite well have exactly the same feeling that she's describing there. And I still have this feeling for quite a few friends. And I couldn't help but doing the stupid grass comparison thing. But... when you don't even have a garden, does it really matter if the grass is greener on the other side? :S After that, I so need to read Nana again. Best manga ever. 



Music: B.W.O - Sunshine In The Rain

Thinking: 


"Tell me, Nana,
If for example we had been a love couple,
Would a hug have been enough to wash away my sadness?
Or then; does every single being carry this loneliness, like a burden?
I didn't want to make you all mine.
I just wanted you to need me, Nana."  [Nana ]

Friday, May 21, 2010

I'm pretty sure the world was created out of boredom.

So, this really amazed me. I was studying for a Math test I have this Saturday. And that's all the knowledge I've got so far... (by "so far" I mean 4 hours...)!






The things we do to NOT study are so productive that sometimes I should blame my lack of creative on studying.




Music: YelleParle à Ma Main.


Thinking: Next time I fall in love...I want to be with someone who's a little harsh. I don't want them to just cater...to my each and every whim.

But after we get in a fight...I want a flower, and a loving words...



Someone like that.

[ Nana ]

Thursday, May 20, 2010

So that's how it starts.

It's just a blog about a brazilian girl who had just moved from New York to Buenos Aires and is trying to find her own peace of mind. Nothing more than that. 

I'm feeling Times Square-ish today. 


Well, this picture makes me extremely nostalgic. I've been spending way too much time looking at my old pictures; either from Brazil, from all my travelings, from the U.S., from my friends, family... and it really sucks because I know that, when I go somewhere else (and I'm pretty sure I will), I'll do the same with the pictures from here, from right now... and I'm gonna think "man, I wonder if I've enjoyed it enough?". I don't know how stupid can I be to make a conscious mistake so... conscientious of it lol. But I'm trying. I think I need a little bit of order in my life. I mean, I need to sit with myself and have a little talk. I know I really love living independently and not knowing what's gonna be of tomorrow, but sometimes not even I can't deal with my lack of planing. 
I know I have one plan so far: I think (if I understood my teacher well) that Argentina is celebrating 200 years of history this weekend, so it's gonna be a huge holiday from Friday (05/21st) 'till Tuesday (05/25th) and I have a couple things in mind to do. It's gonna be basically me and myself, wondering around the city, taking pictures, drinking good coffee and buying some cool stuff. 




                Music: Kent - 747     

Thinking: "It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."
(Oscar Wilde).
                                                              

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